Thinking Out Loud

2016.007: Let it Go!

Hello and Happy Thursday! You know what Thursday means, right? It’s time to link up with Amanda for some thinking out loud!


I alluded to it in my previous post, but now that we are thinking out loud, I want to expound a little bit about something that I did this week. It was a big step! I gave up my “control” over my training schedule. You might even say that I “let it go.” Cue Elsa and Anna and feel free to sing at the top of your lungs if you so desire. Anyone else get that urge every time you hear the phrase “let it go?” No? Just me. Perfect.

I haven’t ever really followed a set training plan until recently, because I just flat couldn’t do it. I would print training plans online and I even had a coach write me a plan at one point several years ago, but it didn’t matter what the dang schedule told me to do, I wasn’t going to do it. How dare that piece of paper tell me how far or how fast I should run? I wanted to decide that on my own!

This confuses me a little bit because usually I am typically a very by the book, play by the rules type of person, so you would think that I would follow the schedule to a T. But, no. Apparently my rebellious side manifests itself in strange ways. The need to control things obviously applies to a lot of other areas in my life as well, but the running schedule issue is just a good illustration and after all, this is a running blog.

I am fairly certain that my need to control things is likely rooted in fear, which is interestingly enough what our sermon series at church is currently discussing. Faith lies in the absence of control and the absense of (worldly) fear. When we trust that we’re okay no matter what circumstances come our way, we don’t need to micro-manage things. We can simply let. it. go. In order to let go, you have to have the self-awareness to realize that 1) you are entering “control mode” and 2) making a conscious and deliberate choice to make a change. I like to think that I am pretty self-aware at this point. Although maybe it’s just really easy because I find myself needing to control things a lot.

What I am unsure of is the actual root of the issue that makes me feel the need to control things in the first place. I know that part of it is likely rooted in the trauma. When things happen in our lives that we can’t control, it feeds the desire to control all the things that we possibly can. I can’t say that I didn’t have the need to control and contain my world prior to the trauma though, because I most definitely did. The trauma just magnified those feelings.

Back to the training schedule example … up until this week, my training plan was pretty open ended. My coach gave me the workouts that I was to do for the week, but it was up to me to decide what days I did what. He also gives me a range for most days. For example, 3 days a week I am supposed to run between 8 and 10 miles, which gives me a decent amount of flexibility. I pretty much asked to have it this way, because I didn’t think I would do what he told me to do otherwise. The fact that I am even doing the workouts are scheduled is showing progress. I still needed to make the decisions about what days and exactly how far I went … or so I thought.

For whatever reason, I had this epiphany that I really didn’t want to have the pressure of deciding when to do my workouts and how to schedule them throughout the week. My coach is the expert. I trust that he knows what he is doing. Why was I not letting him do his job? Oh that’s right, because I wanted to be in control. Not anymore! I’ve officially turned over the reins and now my schedule is set. Obviously I will be smart and listen to my body, but I plan to do what he tells me to do when he tells me to do it.

It’ll be interesting to see if I am able to handle it, right?! Stay tuned.

Any other control freaks out there? What do you try to control?


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